If Only ...

They planned to meet again since the day they laid eyes on each other. The feeling was indescribable.She met him at a friend's wedding a few months earlier. They spent the entire night dancing..even as the bride and groom drove away. She couldn't seem to stop staring into his eyes. But they had to return to their lives 4oo miles away from each other. They talked everyday and eventually just couldn't take it anymore. They had to see each other if only for one night. She didn't care what she had to do but she was determined to feel his arms around her again.







The day was finally here. She walked through the airport,her black strapless dress fitting to a tee, strappy heels, fresh pedicure, overnight bag rolling behind her. She commanded attention without saying a word, which was the very thing he couldn't resist. Reaching into her bag, she opens her cell phone to call him and let him know she had arrived. She had made a reservation at the Westin Hotel not far from the airport. She asked if he would meet her their so they could go to dinner. Room 1704...






 She gave herself a lil time so that she could freshen up before he got there.Checking in, she ordered a bottle of wine so that she could unwind. She walks into her room, the scent of clean linen feels the air. She walks over to window and opens the blinds to admire the view. There was a knock on the door. She answers, the bellhop enters with the bottle of wine she had ordered. As she reaches for her purse, she turns around to see him standing there. The man she has been dreaming about for months.






He stood 6'4, a body that made you think God was a woman because no man could ever create something so appealing, deep dark eyes, and a smile that just melted your heart. He tipped the bellboy and presented her with 2 dozen of the most perfect roses she had ever seen. "You're breathtaking" she looks down puts her hand in her hair to ensure everything was in place blushing like a school girl. She sits the flowers on the bed and opens her arms to hug him. Her knees buckled slightly at the feeling of him holding her, the scent of his cologne was driving her crazy. He picked her up, which literally swept her off her feet. She couldn't describe it, but she never wanted it to stop.






Slowly, he let her down. She looked into his eyes. He gently caressed her face and kissed her. It seemed as if time completely stopped. She tried to control herself, not to let him know that she could care less about going out, she could have him for dinner. He stepped back to admire her. Every hair in place, curves to die for, eyes that hypnotized him. He asked if she was ready to go, he didn't want them to be late. She agreed, walked over to grab her purse. He stood by the door watching her every move.. It was all over his face that he wasn't interested in food but he was a gentlemen and would never let on that he wanted to take her right there.






She starts to walk toward the door and she begins thinking to herself" Girl this man is fine as hell. You felt that bulge when he scooped you up, he wants you and you damn sure want him.. You didn't pack those Trojans for nothing." She giggles to herself. He asks to be let in on the joke as he opens the door for her. She looks at him, closes the door, throws her purse on the door and takes a chance. One of two things would happen, he would either pull away from her or they would have the most incredible sex they have ever had. Guess which one he chose.






He grabbed her hips, pulled her close as they kiss passionately. He slowly pulls up her dress exposing her thighs that he had been dreaming of tasting for months. He gently pushes her to the wall where lifts her up to kiss her extremely perky breasts. She wraps her legs around him. He kisses her neck, her head tilting against his because if feels so good. He begins to pull her panties down. She grabs his head and tells him to rip them. This excited him to no end and he did as he was told. He sat her back down and got on his knees, placed her leg over his shoulder and began to enjoy her sweetness. " Baby, ummm.. don't stop.... O my..UMMMMM...."






He stands up and unzips her dress...it falls to the floor. She begins to open his shirt... reaching for his belt, he kisses her again.He whispers in her ear, turn around. She smiles devilishly and complies. Looking over her shoulders she could see him taking in the view. He pulls her back to him and she arches her back impatiently awaiting him the enter. He slowly fingers her to make sure it wett and slides his head inside.She has to arch her back a lil more because she really wasn't expecting all that. They both moan with pleasure as this feeling takes over them. With every stroke, he goes deeper and deeper. She tries to throw it back to him but he stops and says "Don't move baby, let me do all the work." Well if he didn't want her to move she was going to position herself to take it all. So, she bends over grabs the back of her heels and places her back against the wall. He was in shock.. didn't know she was a freak like that.






She screams with pleasure, spelling his name (backwards I might add).. This man was KING DINGALING. But she would not let him get the best of her. She stands up, turns around and walks him over to the window where there is a lounge chair and Ottoman. She sits him down and gently slides on top of this massive amount of man. She begins slow.. riding up and down, back and forth until it really starts to get good. She puts her hands on his shoulders and goes faster and faster.. He slaps her ass,which only makes her want him more. He can't believe how she is taking it and starts to give her names like MS.GOOD PU**Y. She loves it when a man talks dirty to her. The feeling is getting the best of both of them and she moans " Baby... I'm cuming." He lifts her off of him and slides down to the floor to taste her until she explodes in his mouth. And that she does. Ensuring that she was satisfied.. he pulls her down back on top of him and pumps hard, and deep holding her by her hips.. until he too explodes....






They never made it to dinner but do you think they really cared?






Hey everybody else was writing stories for the old 360 page... why can't I try?

Damn the Parents.. KIDS don't understand...

So, today I was waiting for my son to get out of school..Late as usual, he calls me to say that he is on his way but they had kinda locked the school down cause the kids were clowin.. When he gets in the car, he starts to explain the days events.. the first fight was with brothers beating up a guy who supposedly * ROBBED ONE AT GUN POINT* this weekend...... why the hell ... what do you OWN that someone would want that bad that they needed a GUN? 


The next one he said.. some girl walked up on a guy in the lunch room testing HIM... and slapped him in the back of the head hard as hell. Now.. Let me BE CLEAR! I DO NOT CONDONE A MAN HITTING A WOMAN.. However if you got yo BAD bitch on to the point where you want to start some stuff with a MAN... be ready to fight like one.. That's just the laws of Nature hell.. You don't take a knife to a gun fight..  So she ended up getting the brakes beat off of HER because of it.. Slapped thru a table or something.. UNNECESSARY.. satchoassdownsomewherelilgurl...So both of them are suspended.. hell probably expelled... you know they love doing that.. Rehabilitation is not an option anymore..


The next one was a walk around in a circle type deal.. Not really much happened.. However the potential for danger was there.. The kids standing on the stairs watching.. So if they did get into it.. My nosey a__ child would have been right in the midst because in HIS WORDS... " all the fights made the day FUN!".... Owww .. when he said that mess to me... * getting my ALI stance... doing my swing step*..I could have choke slammed the hell outta him. I was driving though.. so that wouldn't have been a good look..  But it took me back to my high school days and all the friends that are NO longer with us.. because of STRAIGHT iggnit ish like this.. PAUL MURRAY, ANDRE KELLY, and one guy who's name simple escapes me at the moment.. but is the most RELEVANT because he got killed and he wasn't even DOING anything.. urgh.. It's sad to say but they all tend to BLEND together.. because there are SO MANY!


These kids look at DEATH like it's no big deal.. When the young man died at the teen club here earlier this year.. I told my son.. and he was like.. "For real.. dang that's messed up... Can I go play basketball?" ......... He wasn't being disrespectful to him at all.. because he told me later how he was really a nice guy and they were cool.. but he just blew it off like it was nothing.. They don't understand.. DEATH IS FINAL.. He understands with his grandfather.. because he still cries for him.. he wants him back... but his friends.... they are just like.. OH WELL.....* kayne shrug*... 


OH WELL!?!.....


Burying a child is NOT on my list of things to do for the YEAR.. If something happens to one of my children... They may as well start preparing 2 funerals.. because I don't WORK with out my family.. When did the world become so.... HEARTLESS? When did LIFE become so ...UNIMPORTANT? 


There was a situation when I was in high school.. where my man at the time and some of his boys were all.. *AIR QUOTES* supposedly in a gang... And I remember that my friend was really ready to PUT IT IN SOMEONE'S LIFE.. Thought he saw the car they drove.. and Here our DUMB ASSES go Following him.. Hell.. I had just got out of a damn Fashion show.. *_*.. now I'm going to stomp a hole in somebody's head..  ( pause)


don't get me wrong.. if you push me past the limit and I've giving you ample opportunities to RUN.. then YEA.. I'm about to crack your THINKER for f'n with me.. I ain't no Killer but.... *_*


( press play)


So anyway.. we follow them until he stops.. dude is sitting in the car...so my homie reaches in HIS car to get a *weapon*.. that's all I'm saying.. And was just about to ROCKABYE this dude in front of me... when he realized it was the wrong dayum person... Just like that.. ALL OF OUR LIVES WOULD HAVE BEEN OVER!... *snap of a finger* These crazy sonsofsobe..( I didn't want to call them outta there names.. that's all I could think of ) WANT to see this mess so they can put it on YOUTUBE.. When I first accessed my son's page.. I saw a video posted of a girl getting jumped at LEE and the girl with her camera phone was commentating like  LETTTTTTT'S GET READYYYYY TO RUMMMMBLLEEEE type ish...


What is wrong.. Where did the lines get blurred where parents stop popping these kids for acting like they don't have good SENSE.. And what pisses me OFF.. is the fact that these kids..are RIDICULOUSLY SMART.. why are you wasting your life away when you can be making money? .... FOR REAL!?


I know people have their thing about Jay-Z and the illuminati stuff.. but I heard something on the radio one day that I had to give that man his props on.. (hell I'm a fan anyway ) The situation was there was beef with him and 50... so after some event.. 50 with his IGNIT ass... walks up to Jay.. like..what's up Nicca .. we gone do this or what? And Jay responds to him..." AND MESS UP THIS MONEY.. are you serious? " That's about the REALEST ish I have ever heard in my life... DAMN YOU.. I gotta get this MONEY! Illuminatin or whatever he doing.. WE TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT!! yea I said it... 


But these children won't reach OUR AGE if we don't do something NOW!!


Why do I hear the theme music... to the movie... COLORS! 


urgh!

Parents Just don't Understand...

 
" pay attention to the signs"

At church today.. I saw one of my extra children go up to be baptized..It shook me a lil bit because she had just been baptized a few months ago with my baby girl..  So when she walked past me crying ... I instantly went into MAMA mode.. I sometimes over step my boundaries and I know that.. but when I see a baby in need.. I can't help it.. So, after talking with her parents who are friends of ours I found out that my baby was living MY life as a child..Her mother is not in her life, she isn't a good role model.. she lies to her constantly.. yet the baby still puts all her faith in her.. Real familiar to me.. I wanted nothing more than to have the love and approval of my mother.. but she chose to focus her attention on the life she didn't have due to having children..

No, I'm not gonna put all my family business out there.. but there are a lot of things that I had to let go of to live my life MY WAY!  I let go of the hurt, let go of the pain.. but for some reason.. People insisted that I was holding on to it because I didn't want to be bothered with her. My brother and sister to this DAY.. still try to FORCE me to allow my mother to be a part of my life and the lives of my children.. I never understood it.. because they know what type of person she is...  but they still want to be around her.. for whatever reason..She hasn't changed, however, they want to SEE what they want to see.. and that's their battle not mine..

So back to my extra baby.. when I found out that she was hurting so much.. I went to her while she was waiting to talk to the upper levels in the church.. and I put my arms around her and told her..I GET IT!.. I understand.. And she just broke into tears.. Sometimes.. people don't know what it means for someone else to have been down the road you are traveling.. I told her..my phone rings everyday.. all day long.. My door is always open. And as she cried.. I felt my heart breaking.. I stand up and her father is standing right over me ... like I was doing something wrong.

Parents just don't understand sometimes.. Even as a child I got the SUCK IT UP talk from a lot of my family.. or the baby HAVE FAITH THAT SHE WILL CHANGE talk...  and it all went in one ear and out the other because it was someone talking to me who didn't FEEL what I felt.. didn't HURT like I hurt.. they didn't cry the same tears I cried.. We as parents sometimes don't want our children to BE children but want them to stay in a Child's Place.. Do as I say.. no matter HOW it makes you feel.. That doesn't fix the problem.. They haven't learned the life skills to SUCK IT UP and just do it.. Hell that's not healthy for ADULTS so why are we teaching our children to do it.. Don't know any better, I guess.. And I don't claim to have the answers to every problem.. But THIS SHIT HERE... I know all too well..

When there is a dead beat parent and a custodial parent.. the lines of communication get really Blurry. The dead beat parents don't seem to see the problems or the pain that they are causing the children involved.. while the custodial parents seem to think that since they are providing a home for them.. that they should just GET OVER it. That would be wonderful in Fantasy Land.. but we live in the times where drugs, babies, and suicide are at an all time HIGH for teenagers.  Tears can be a cry for HELP ...not a ploy to get attention. There are only SO many times you can sweep things under the rug before you have a pile of SHIT in the middle of the room...

Back to the situation... Now, again.. my children and EXTRA children are not angels..They don't get into major trouble.. like drugs, stealing cars..and foolishness like that.. but they don't clean their rooms.. talk back .. you know.. Teenage stuff... But when THEY hurt.. they HURT.. and someone needs to pay attention. The problem is.. the ones that are paying attention have to deal with others telling them to get out of their family business... "oh she just looking for sympathy"... " I deal with her everyday I know what the hell is going on with my child".. kinda talk...

* oh boy.... that's opening the DOOR*

I am not a counselor.. I don't even play one of Facebook.. However, I know signs of depression and this child has them.. you can't TOUCH her without Tears.. REAL ones.. you know the kind where they can't talk for doing that sniffling thing..  I want to help her but the parents are giving me that .. stay the hell out my business look...

What do I do? Just let that baby SUFFER.. when I've been through that mess... and know how much it hurts to NOT have a mother..

OR...

Do I tell these parents.. You can hate me if you want.. end our friendship.. whatever.. But that baby NEEDS HELP and I'm gonna be there regardless?

What would YOU do....

What ever happened to it takes a VILLAGE?.... geez..

I'm telling ya'll now.. If you see something in my kids that I don't see.. please come talk to me.. because at the end of the day... they are all that matters...



Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Meal Tickets.. Kill yaself.. ...

.... sigh..

I really hate stupid people... they are fun to make fun of most times but sometimes they can down right get on my f'n nerves.  For those of you who know me and my children.. you know that I have a daughter in middle school who is 6'3.. Yes, she plays ball.. Yes, she will probably get a scholarship to college based on her height alone.. However.. to me.. she is JUST MY BABYGIRL.. my ANGEL .. MY MIRACLE..

I feel like I say this over and over and over again but.. I don't see my child as a MEAL TICKET. I don't LOOK for her to buy me a DAMN THING.. All I require from her is that she is a good person and that she hands me a college degree.. If basketball is the way that SHE wants to get that.. that's HER choice.. No one else's..

My BFF told me that it was going to get hard for me and her father around this time in her life because people will be coming at her left and right to play here or there.. and it will only get worse when she goes to high school.. I don't wanna deal with this shit.. My attitude is too bad to deal with vultures and I don't trust ANYONE.. So, talking to smart ass agents and pushy coaches that just want to use her to better their team is not high up on my priority list. But what pisses me off more than the thought of those idiots are the idiots that think they can get in my good graces NOW so that they can CLAIM shit later ..it just makes my eyelashes bleed.

For instance, I posted on my FB page a few days ago.. that she played her first game of her 8th grade year and what she did in the game. Now, I don't know this dude AT ALL other than him trying to talk slick to me.. and that we apparently go to the same church.. Don't know him like that..  Anyway, he goes on to tell me how DISAPPOINTED he is in my daughter's performance and that I need to bring her to HIM so that she can learn the game.

First of all, my daughter is the niece of an all state FEMALE high school basketball player & all city and now an OLYMPIAN.. Her fathers ( biological & step) both are extremely talented ball players along with another Uncle. Another Uncle was a track star and her god father is a track star/coach who works with children in sports.. We aren't going to mention my friend in Memphis who plays with her and coaches her.. or her Uncle who coaches an AAU team... Does it seem as if she needs anymore HELP? I think NOT!

After I gracefully... (yes it was graceful dammit.. I didn't cuss .... THEN) put him in his place.. He comes BACK to me to tell me that he went and talked to some other middle school players about her... this conversation turned into a gossip session about my child where threats were made about hurting her if they ever ran into her.. BECAUSE he was telling them that she was better than them.. etc. etc.  Again.. we don't know you from a can of PAINT.. so who asked you to go start conversations with children YOU don't even know about a CHILD you never met.. Never seen... never spoke too and now have put down OTHER children to the point where they want to HURT my daughter..

Let me tell you something about ME...  You can SAY what you want and DO what you want to ME.. But if you so much as BREATHE wrong at my children.. you will have to answer to me. I take being a mother EXTREMELY serious.. Some may say too much.. But I am going to protect them at every cost..  Now, I know most of you are thinking.. This just children talking.. But children talking today turns into .. I have to prove something.. and if they think for half a millisecond that they will make a point with my child.. they better do their homework.  I FIGHT KIDS!.. THEIR PARENTS.. GRANDPARENTS.. UNCLES... AUNTS.. NEIGHBORS.. CLERGY.. whatever .. when it comes to the safety of my babies...

With that being said.. Know that if something does jump off.. after I jump off the top of their damn heads.. I will jump right on top of his for starting this shit. These children are killing each other now a days and my family has suffered enough with murder...

.. Another thing that URKS the hell outta me is the fact that because my daughter is BLACK.. people ASSUME that she NEEDS to play basketball to go to college.. Not the case.. We have had a college fund for them ALL.. for years.. But if we didn't.. know that if I had to sell my ASS, my Hair.. and all my possessions for them to go to college.. I would make it happen. Not ALL black people are lazy, irresponsible parents as those idiots would like to think. I will do anything for my children BUT sell their souls to the devil ... for them to be successful.. That's what a REAL parent would do..

So... MIDDLE then INDEX to all you assholes that think that my child is MY MEAL TICKET...I don't live THROUGH my children.. I LIVE BECAUSE of them.. and if you can't see that.. Please remove yourself from OUR lives as fast as you can.

Now don't get me wrong.. if my daughter doesn't ever pick up another basketball.. I couldn't care less.. But since she does want to play.. I will ALWAYS be there to support anything POSITIVE that she or does.. I will jump, scream, cheer, cry, cuss out a ref or whatever because I am proud of her and her teammates.. They could be doing ALOT of other things but they CHOOSE to do something positive and I will be the first one in line when any of them need me.. Not so that I can say.. "well remember when I did this or that for YOU" but so that they KNOW that no matter what.. SOMEONE SEES THEM AS MORE THAN A MEAL TICKET!....


You see.. a ball player..



I see an angel...  I love you babygirl...

*deuces*

Why I hate Halloween...

Picture it:






Halloween night, home with my brother while my parents were out for the night. We are fighting all night because he was picking on me, as usual, so I decided I would go to bed. I had always had a fear of Halloween and scary movies and things like that since the night my father's birthday fell on Friday the 13th. ( hey I was 9 give me a break) Back to the story... I go in my room, close my door, and drifted off to sleep.....







Well, my brother ( being the total asshole that he is) decides that he isn't thru terrorizing me yet. So, he goes outside and cuts the power to the back side of the house where my room was. Now, I have always had to sleep with music playing because music was always playing in my house.. no matter what. So, when the music cut off I immediately woke up. But remember, he cut the power to everything on that side of the house so there was no light or sound anywhere... Frightened, I start to call out for my brother but there was no answer. Then I hear knock! knock! knock!!!!






*PRESS Pause*






Ok.. ya'll know I was about to sh*t on myself for this because even at 9 I was smart as a whip. My first thoughts were.. Who the hell is knockin on my damn door and where the hell is my brother? then the lil girl kicked in.. OH shit...they killed my brother and not they are here for me...* PRESS PLAY*






By this time, I know something isn't right... so I call out for my brother again.. no answer...no sound no nuthin.. Now usually, I could see the light from the kitchen under my door so I would know if someone was standing there... but there wasn't NONE. Then I hear this....






ch ch ch ch ... ah ah ah ah ah.. ch ch ch ch ahaha hahaahh * jason music*






Yea.. a bi+ch bought to jump out the window...at this point..But we had storm windows...






I get out the bed to try to turn on the light... but it DOESN'T WORK!!! Oh you got to be BULLSHI++IN me...*SIGH* Well this is were the years of living with a Marine kicked in.. "Kill or be killed" ... WOORAHH.. I feel around in the dark for something to swing with...If you gone get me.. I ain't about to make it easy for you... I hear the knock again... And I start screaming for my brother to quit playing because usually when he saw I was upset.. he would quit... but not tonight...






CH CH CH CH AH AH AH AH AH CH CH CH CH AH AH AH AH....






*Okay that damn noise is starting to piss me off.. so I say to myself..






SELF...... you got one of two choices.. You can wait on this fool to come in here and get you.. or you can open the door, fake him out and run to the neighbors house... I chose to RUN.. I reach for the knob and turn it.. that damn music still ringing in my ears.. I open the door and the first thing I see is.....










breathing...










Heart beat.. Ka thump PULSE....






















breathing.... Heart beat KA thump Thump Thump Thump... PULSE











Only.... it was GLOWING!!!! Did I mention he had my dad's machete in his hand.."AHHH..SHI++IN ME!!!" You won't be killin my ass tonight, PA'TNA..I knocked his ass over like Refrigerator Pierre... ran thru the house and was almost to the highway when I passed my parents coming home... Kinda like it was in Ferris Belluer's Day Off.... Mind you, I was in my Care bear Pjs, barefoot, hadn't even broken a sweat cause I was on a mission to get the HELL away from that neighborhood. I have seen those Jason Movies before... women always fallin.. But Not ya girl...I had perfect form.. Head up, arms at my side, breathing in thru my nose and out thru my mouth...FLO JOE would have been Proud...






Now when I realized that my parents had slammed on brakes.. I knew I was safe cause I have seen my daddy whup a BUNCH of people.. I think he could have taken Jason...When I told him there was a man in the house with a machete, he went straight for the glove box... By this time, my brother had caught up to us( still in his Jason attire).. and my daddy realized what was going on.. WOOOOOO can you say "somebody is in TROUBLEEE... Better make that a DOUBBBLLLEEEE!!!!"






Let's just say ...... my brother couldn't sit for weeks...PLURAL... My daddy whupped his butt everytime he saw him...






"I" suggested he run away from home ...at least until his ass cooled down anyway..... ( I am terrible)...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!






And so that is what had happened.... Funny thing is though..Now I have an obsession with Ghosts WTF?...I feel like Buffie the freakin Vampire Slayer sometimes... But that's another Blog...

He's MY AGE!!!

 
So today... I was irritated because I was awaken from my sleep for absolute bullshit.. People who don't want shit but to have their lil egos stroked.. I don't know about ya'll but my SLEEP is precious to me so when it's disturbed for some dumb shit..it ruins the rest of my day... So I'm not in the best of moods at the moment...







So, after clowing on Facebook a lil .. and getting a much needed call from my Mr. Magic Hands.. I called one of my homegirls to see when she wanted to schedule her massage with him... and she tells me she is minutes from my house... and I say ok.. what's wrong.. and she tells me that she just left the hospital visiting a mutual friend in ICU.. He had a heart attack.. He's in his mid 30's.. what the hell... So when she got in she told me the whole story about how he had been stressing so much about his job and family... that he just dropped..  and got him to the hospital.. I haven't seen him in a long time..a few years at least but he always left a good impression with you.. Always had you laughing and joking.. He just brightened your day because he was just so freggin silly...






It made me think.. that could have been me..He's MY AGE... We aren't suppose to die this early.. have heart attacks, strokes... It was a definite wake up call..Stress almost took him outta here.. Death is final.. We are all walking around here like it can't happen to us.. but WE are the ones dying.. not the older people.. I don't have enough fingers and toes to count how many friends I have lost in life so far.. over PURE DUMB SHIT... no real medical conditions... just allowing OTHER people's dumb shit.. become our OWN.. That why I was so bothered by my sleep being disturbed because it's important..like having a stress reliever.. I'm proud of myself that I haven't given up on working out because that's one of the greatest stress relievers EVER..






Along with SEX.. and I'm gonna go have ALOT of it.. You should too.. Even if you don't have anyone who would want to have sex with YOU ( because you are bitter as all hell... evil heffas) Sex YOURSELF... either way.. get that shit off your chest.. Cause stress has can kill a ya..






...wow.. before I could even finish the blog my father in law is being sent into emergency surgery














Today's Phrase that pays... GO FUCK YOURSELF..






no seriously.. go Fuck yourself.. right now.. don't wait for a partner..

Randomness: I don't like FISH

I've had this on my mind for a long time now yet I never really blogged about it.. But I need to talk about FAKE FRIENDS and the Bitches that love them..  It's so funny to me how someone can SAY you are family and they will love you thru thick and thin and then a man comes in the picture and ALL that flies right out the damn window.  I knew from the beginning that this friendship would be trouble because of the simpleness displayed in previous relationships and friendships. But I threw caution to the wind and befriended someone who was never really my friend to begin with.. She only wanted to live her life through my past.  I hate when people haven't been through anything and they think that YOUR experiences.. no matter how painful..are just the greatest thing ever. It's always a damn man.. why? and moreover an UNAVAILABLE man.. that seems to break up these seemingly super strong sisterhoods with bonds so strong that even GOD can't break..  Really?  How easily we forget.
 I hate being accused of things that I haven't done.. because I always end up doing it just to piss the accuser off. It may be simple to some, however, so is the foolishness that started  the cycle to begin with..

I never really understood why anyone would want to live the life that I have had because it hasn't been a bed of roses.. unless you count the thorns in my side. But I guess it's better to have experienced and suffered than to watch from the sidelines. But if you want all the hurt and pain and tears that have come with my experiences.. be my guest.. you will wish you hadn't..

But back to the randomness... I could never be a lesbian because females get on my damn nerves. And once you fall out.. their FRIENDS.. oh the friends are the funniest of all. They will laugh and ha ha all in your face just to stay in your surroundings just to report what they THINK is going on. People see what they want to see.. so I give them something to look at. I keep telling people that I am not new to this game before I even got in to the field of criminal justice.. I studied PEOPLE. I watched their moves, how they operate, and it's so sad to see them try NOT to be themselves when they know you are on to them. People have patterns and no matter how hard you try.. you return to those patterns no matter what the situation, even me.. My mother told me she could always tell when I was upset because I post a lot of songs.. And she is right.. Music is my life.. it's how I get my feelings out. If I'm sad.. the notes of Classical music brings tears to my eyes.. I cry but through my tears I am able to see things more clearly.. it didn't take my mama long to figure me out .. but then again.. she is a SPECIAL woman.. we share a bond that most people will never understand. I guess that's why I am able to see things the way I see them now.. She trained me up..even after meeting her so late in the game..
But back to the bullshit..  I can tell when people are up to no good.. and it urks me that I have been right about this so many times before and they all of a sudden forget that I have this ability to see thru their bullshit when I have called them on it so many times before. I notice how they tend to pick sides without knowing all the facts. They are easily brainwashed into believing one side more than the other because of one person's perception of the truth..  It's good though because I like feeding the fish..  I throw out lil feelers to get them going kinda like throwing a tiny piece of bread into a pond of goldfish and watch them fight for it.  They Bite everytime... why? Because it's a behavioral pattern. They can't help it..
The funniest part of ALL of this though.. is that the ones that want to AMEN the bullshit.. are the SAME ones who say the EXACT same shit about them behind their backs... It's amazing.. People should know by now that I keep evidence of everything... phone records, emails, pictures, I'm messages.. because you just never know when you will be called to testify on your own behalf.. You need evidence to make your case... that's a fact.

It tickles the hell outta me to see SISTA this and SISTA that.. and you are sooo beautiful inside and out.. until a dick comes swinging by everyone is in a free for all because they are all hard up for some loving. Don't be so obvious.. DAMN!.. There are other men in the world.. seriously.. you just have to not beat them down with all your past bullshit or not fuck them so quickly that you don't TRULY know what they are about until after you are already BLINDED BY THE DICK!..


I don't know.. maybe one day females will get it together and see that there is more to life than DICK.. there are actually females who can be your friend without trying to steal you hopes and fantasies away... why.. because they are living their own dreams.. the problem is.. you are so wrapped up in your own bullshit that you will never realize that the ones you THINK are your friends are usually the ones who will stab you in your back EVERYTIME...

but what do I know... right?








(did you think this was about you.. hahaa.. BEHAVIORAL PATTERNS... Gotcha!)




i was bored.. sue me.. *_*