.... .. Daddy.. is that You?

I'm not spellchecking or grammar proofing this one. It's just gonna come out...
 
I know people say there is no such thing as ghost.. and you are probably going to think that I'm crazy.. and that's fine... But I know what I saw and what my daughter saw.. And I'm not writing this for anyone else except me or my children if they one day want to read my blogs.  But my father is visiting my family members. I think I was first.. or at least the first to say anything.. But I was sitting here at my computer one night.. and I heard Jazz music coming through my speakers.. I didn't have music playing at all so I was confused. I was the only one in the room and it hadn't been more than a month or so since my dad passed. So, truly.. I thought *I* was going crazy.  I turned my speakers off.. But I could still hear it.  So I called my fiance' in the room to see if HE heard it..  because it was very Faint.. While we were both sitting there like some dummies with our head on the speakers.. the sound became louder.. It was coming through the tv.

Now, for those of you that know where I live.. I am close to the radio station. I'm not crazy and I know a lil about frequencies and all that.. So I'm thinking because I live so close to the station.. that my speakers were just catching some of those sound waves or whatever.. Some people get the radio through their phones if they live close to the stations..you have to get special equipment to stop it... I'm not a ditz when it comes to things like that..   The reason why we were tripping is because you could hear *HIS* music playing.. 

Now, I watch enough documentaries and ghost shows to know that you have to look at all options to debunk these types of things.. so I turned on the radio to see what WJAB was playing.. It wasn't the same song that was coming out of the speakers.. *_*...so where was it coming from?

I have always been sensitive to more things than most.. Since I was pregnant with my last daughter.. things have really been ACTIVE around me.My grandfather came to me OFTEN..  But, not JUST me.. other's have experienced things as well. I don't like my children's father at the moment..  and the feeling is probably mutual.. but even he will tell you that there was someone in my apartment back in Atlanta. He's 6'6.. 200+ but he refused to go upstairs to the bathroom because of who was up there. .. ijs..

Anyway, about a week ago.. My baby cousin had the same experience with the speakers.. So much so that she called and woke up everyone she could think of to tell them.. It really scared her.. My aunt has had it happen too.. So, we just chalked it up to Daddy is just letting us know he is there.. It was kinda cool..

But yesterday... I have never seen anything like it.

The first experience .. I had bought my baby girl balloons for her birthday a few weeks ago.. So only one was left.. I had been in the bed all day because I was at the hospital all night with my baby cousin.. When I finally got up, I walked out of my bedroom and that balloon was in the hallway between my door and hers.  I thought nothing of it.. went to the bathroom and went back in my room..  Well a lil while later, I came out and the balloon was further up the hallway almost into the foyer.. I walked passed the balloon again.. but this time.. it moved with me.. It was at waist level.. I noticed that with every step I took it moved with me..  until I walked through the foyer. When I stepped into my great room... and stopped.. It STOPPED...

Debunk:

When I walked.. the air moved the balloon.. when I stopped .. the air stopped so the balloon stopped.. Only problem was.. it didn't move when I opened the door from my bedroom or closed the door to the bathroom.. That was more air than me just walking out the door..

Debunk : Maybe it's static electricity.. that could happen.. I know that the balloon is deflating because it was floating at waist level. No big deal..

Well I grabbed the balloon and squeezed both sides so that the helium would be distributed evenly.. It instantly rose to the ceiling. It gave me a weird feeling.. so I took the string and pulled the balloon into the middle of the room.. close to my back doors. I went on into the kitchen.. when I came back out.. it was on the other side of the couch...  There is No air on in the house but hey balloons float.. It was weird.. but hey.. strange things happened around me .. so .. *kayne shrug* It just kind of traveled over toward the entrance to the kitchen.. The string got caught in this big tree's branches that my dad had in his house.. He was CRAZY about plants.. That man could bring anything green back to life. He didn't have a green thumb.. He had a green hand..

I didn't pay any attention to the balloon after that.. because I got busy doing the girls hair for school.. I usually set up shop on the left side of my table in the great room.. My dad's plants are in the corner on the right of the table.. Well after perming , washing and conditioning Kasey's hair.. I turned to plug up my blow dryer.. When I raised back up.. the balloon was detached from the tree.. I told my daughter to look.. The balloon then traveled the length of the table ... We are watching it move like *WTF*.. and I said it's coming to you.. She HATES anything spiritual or paranormal ... so she turned to me and put her head in my chest screaming "MAMA MAKE IT STOP MAMA PLEASE MAKE IT STOP"... the string of the balloon came to rest on her leg.. I was rocking her and holding her.. telling her it was ok.. and to calm down.. but she just held on to me for dear life screaming and crying..  I looked up again.. and the balloon rose *on it's own* over the table and went back into the tree...  Now.. the moving around the table part didn't really bother me... because balloons Float..  but to turn and come straight to us.. and then RISE on it's own and go BACK to where it came from..
 ....... Messed me up... 

Like I said.. I have come to accept most things that happen around me.. but that ... I just can't explain.. but today.. marks 4 months that my father has been gone.. And if I didn't have WITNESSES to it.. I would look at me crazy too.. But Kasey saw it come to her.. When she started crying.. Teddy came in to see what was wrong and watched it fly back into the tree...

I called my aunt who giggled a lil because it's just weird that he is coming to ALL of us... She talked to Kase and told her that it was ok.. Everything would be ok.. She calmed down a lil.. but she was still a lil on edge because of her OWN personal experiences.. He plays with She and my son.. he moves his necklaces that they wear.. They usually put them under their pillows at night.. and sometimes when they wake up.. they aren't there.. they are placed on the dresser.. She would always ask why everyone else had experienced stuff and she hadn't... *careful what you wish for*....

I know that ghost exist.. People have their beliefs and say these things are of the devil whatever.. But I know what I saw.. what WE saw.. I don't believe it was anything harmful... I think it was my father.. My family is healing itself.. and that was the one thing.. that he wanted the most before he died.. and now it is happening.. Maybe he is trying to tell us something.. Maybe this was the last thing he needed to finish before completely going home... I don't know.. and I even though I am use to things.. I don't know that I want him to TELL me what it is.. No writing on walls and stuff.. 

My God Sent mother.. told me to be frightened by it but to talk to him.. Let him know I love him.. and I know that he knows that.. He has too..  But ... I don't know how to really process this.. I don't know how to make it.. clear in my mind... I know what I KNOW, I know what I was taught.. and I know what most THINK... and somewhere in the middle I have to come to terms with the fact that these things are happening...


But how?

Maybe he is trying to tell me I need to go see him....

Truth be told... I'm scared as shit.. to see that grave.. in person..

It will become TOO REAL then...

I don't wanna go yet

PSA: DON'T A.S.S.U.M.E ~ U know me.. but you don't KNOW me.. k?

 "A.S.S.U.M.E When you ASSUME you make an ASS out of U and not ME"

So, everyone connected to me should know a lil bit about me by now.. understands that I'm gonna give it to you 100 period.. it could hurt me.. it could hurt you.. of course that is never my intention unless specified..:) With that being said.. I have been in the virtual world long enough to understand that if you post anything on any social network it is up scrutiny. Depending on how the reader is feeling that day, feeling about you, or whatever... what you write can be taken out of context.. and you have to be prepared for it.. good and bad..

I learned that the hard way with someone I THOUGHT was a friend reposting a private im conversation about me being attacked on a website just so that they could prove some crazy point. That was a really big lesson for me and I learned from it..

With that being said.. I'm not suprised at all with the comments and messages I've been getting lately.. but I have to say today.. was comical..  So..  because I say GOD FORGIVE ME.. a few people felt that they were close enough to me.. to send me messages like..  what you do? ... or to send me their OPINION about what they THOUGHT I did..

*_*...  Ok.. first.. I said GOD forgive me.. Not FB... If I am saying ALOUD that I have done things in my lifetime that I need to be forgiven for.. what in that says that I am obligated to tell YOU.. Like IMMEDIATELY I got.. Whatchu doing ? What you DO?  *_*

NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS MUTHAFUCA...

It's kinda like how people post a stat that says.. "You get on my dayum nerves".. People *INSTANTLY* ASSUME that it is directed toward them. If your name wasn't called.. why are you getting upset? Maybe it's because you have a done something or said something that you thought you got away with.. I don't know.. But as my boy Brod says.. until your name is called.. STFU..

Back to my statement.. I called a name.. Definitely.. and I don't think ANYONE on my list is named GOD.. therefore.. you shouldn't feel OBLIGATED to know what I am asking for forgiveness FOR? Only One person (Jt) was bold enough to ask me openly.. but here's the difference with him and the others.. I talk to Jt all the time. We are friends beyond facebook.. So he like another friend since high school have more access to my personal life.. my friends, my family, my kids.. if you don't know what my middle name is.. or even CLOSE to how to say it.. or if you weren't there with me.. when things got really hard.. Stop bogartin'.. keep it movin...

Now, the next thing that I need to address so that we are CLEAR.. My blog about the person that makes my life worth living.. my BFF Carlos.. was not a confession. *pure Comedy* He is not my *OTHER* man.. he is my BFF.. Truth be told he was here long before MY SOON TO BE HUSBAND*.. and they are great friends. There is no hidden adgenda between us.. there is nothing going on between us.. A Man and a WOman can be friends without there being some SIDEWAYS shit going on.. Stop WISHING for drama.. if that's what you are in my space for... Keep it moving.. but GROW THE HELL UP while you at it..

This seems to be a growing problem with the social networking sites.. People *always* want to  HOPE for the worst.. and it's the craziest thing EVER.. How about wish for the good stuff.. and if it turns out to be bad.. be SUPPORTIVE..
                              HURT PEOPLE *HURT* PEOPLE..
If you have nothing but hateraid, jealously, envy and foolishness running through your DNA.. do EVERYONE a favor and just go away. Why are you even SOCIAL? Like, know your own self.. I know when I am feeling evil.. it's best that I just get away from people.. Maybe that's what you should do.. cause someone may not be AS nice as I was ... You might get a knock on ya door..

Bottomline.. get to KNOW yourself.. and know what your role in a person's life is.. Don't overstep.. Stay in ya Lane.. I don't even know what else to say but.. stop thinking you are ALLOWED to know every detail of a person's life just because you are on their friends' list.. Truth be told.. you are only there because they were friends with someone they BARELY knew and yo ass snuck in the back door.. So don't get it in your head that you are OWED anything because you are FACEBOOK FRIENDS...

Don't say I didn't warn ya, playa..

Day 11: Follow me ...

hmmm.. the thing I get complimented on the most lately... is my walk.


I don't exactly know what to say about it.. But.. I have a good one obviously.. because I have been selected to walk in several fashion shows over the past year. THEFashion Show was the first time I had really *WALKED* in well over a decade. Stephaine Love is who I thank for that. Because of the opportunity she gave me to walk in THEFashion .. I was later selected to audition for the ROCK THE RUNWAY Fashion show for Radar Magazine.   I was soo nervous because, just like with THEFashion Show, there were so many super thin, super YOUNG, beautiful girls trying out.. They could walk in these ridiculously high heels.. and wear just about anything you put on them.. And here I am.. short cut, thick waistline, bad knees.. hahaaa..

but hell.. I was there so .. no turning back now right..

I walk in.. and there is Steph with that.. * Get em Girl* look on her face.. They put on some music with this lil Ipod thingy.. and Usher's OMG came on... I just gave it to em.. if they liked it .. they liked it.. if not.. at least I tried right...  Well little did I know that I was being judged by one of the hottest new designers out ... J.Bolin.. I did my walk and waited for THE CALL.  The day that we were suppose to get them.. I didn't get one.. I was disappointed because I thought I did pretty good.. but I was thinking that my weight and over all LOOK ...knocked me out of the running... It was cool.. I was happy for any of the girls who would receive calls..  I ain't no hater..

But the next morning.. my phone rang.. I said hello... and the person on the other end started talking.. about the show.. I thought they were calling to tell me thanks but no thanks.. Instead.. they told me that they were following my stat on FB where I said I didn't get the call..and I was a lil sad..  Mr. J asked me how I thought I did.. and I said I thought I did well.. and he said... we did TOO.. that's  why you are in the show... I really tried to keep my cool.. but I think I lost some points... In the parking lot of the drug store in front of the police.. on the phone... driving... jumping up and down in my seat... Lucky that I didn't get a ticket.. *doing WAY too Much*

Well.. when we had the fitting.. I went out in the hall to walk again for some designers.. but unfortunately.. I was bigger than most of the girls so there wasn't alot of things for me to wear.. I only had 2 outfits but.. *F.. It.. I was gonna still WORK *

We get to the show and there is J.Bolin.. He was such a nice guy.. But he walked up to me and said.. " I know you ... you got a BAD walk.. why didn't I see you last night for a fitting.. you don't wanna wear my clothes?" He was joking but totally serious and I think that was the BEST compliment I had received in my life.. This man has designed clothes for grammy award winning artist, models, you name it..  and here he was standing next to me.. asking me to wear one of his designs.. *FLOORED*.. He is the nicest guy.. and everyone in his camp is.. just down to Earth good people.. so it meant alot to me for him to say that..

A few minutes later.. his assistant said.. J would like to see you in the back.. I think I beat HER back there.. We talked about me being a plus size model and there not being anything really for me to wear.. and he stopped me and said.. You have a bad walk.. it doesn't matter WHAT size you are.. but please do not refer to yourself as PLUS SIZE anymore .. You are SIZE SEXY... hear me?... :)

yep.. Loud and clear...



His compliment.. made a world of difference to me.. He probably doesn't even remember me at all but I will never forget HIM..

Thanks J. Bolin..

Walkin my WALK.... :)

Day 10: you ARE the weakest link... GOODBYE

Day 10 — Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.



I can't say that there is someone in my life that I need to let go of because everyone is pretty much gone.. But after being on my homie OhMG's page today, something he said reminded me of how THANKFUL I am for the DELETE button on FB.

There was this chic from Tenn.. Boy, was she stuck on herself. Everything out her mouth was.. I'm the Baddest chic ever to walk the Earth..  Men ain't ish.. they are all dogs blah blah blah.. Well first of all, let me just say.. Not ALL men are dogs. I know some great ones.. but like any creature, if you treat them bad over and over..  they can be trained to that behavior and even turn on you.. feel me.. *_*.. But the one thing I never understood about her was.. She was always talking about how men treated her like this or that.. always after her for her body (which wasn't a good one btw) ... YET... she was always sticking her Tatas in their face.. You are walking around half naked in front of your children, bringing in all these different men around your daughter... taking pictures with her while you have your legs cocked open on tables and ish like you are on HOTGHETTOMESS.com or something.. but then get mad when someone calls her out ya name.. 

It takes me back to that Dave Chappell saying.." I'm not saying you are a HOE.. but you ARE wearing a Hoe's uniform.. and the ish is f'n confusing."   Now, I will never condone disrespecting a woman.. but if you don't have a LIL respect for yourself.. how do you expect anyone else to...

So back to why I could have lived without knowing her ol' messy a**.. One thing that urks the hell outta me about FB ..* and I'm just gonna say it.. It's my blog.. I can do that." But the one thing I hate about fb is THE  MESSY A** FEMALES.. and these lame  "I really want to be your friend because you seem so interesting" invites they send.. For those of you that haven't figured out this game yet.. that's HOE CODE for.. "I think the man I'm diggin.. is diggin YOU.. so I'm gonna get on your page so I can see what he is saying to you, talk to you in hopes that you will tell me what's really going on between you two because I'm just that slick".. *_*.. ( that face typically means.. BISHHHH PLEASE)

So anyway, I had a feeling.. the day she sent me that invite that it might be some foolishness.. I'm from ALABAMA .. I am use to the smell of Bullshyt..feel me. But because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and I simply like acting silly with people.. I accepted her in my FB world.. It was cool for a while..I'm thinking Maybe I was wrong about this chic.. until she started to show her true colors. So, I being the NUTCASE that I am.. It ain't no use in going to everybody else if I have a problem or a feeling about You.. I go to the SOURCE (in this case.. HER).  This is where she messed herself up.. I came to her and said.. I need to ask you something .. because I think there is some type of misunderstanding here..  So, I told her what I was thinking.. and she IMMEDIATELY.. got stupid and I mean she went from Hi.. to *BOMQUIESHA* in like 3.5 secs... Now she was all to happy to talk about everything under the sun on my page.. but one on one.. she couldn't handle it..  Either way.. I laughed at her.. and him.. because you know it was over a DUDE that she thought I wanted..  *_*... ( what I tell you that face meant)

I am of the same thinking as ROYCE from Basketball Wives.. "Until you can kick yo leg up to your ear.. You can't say ish to me" and YES I really can.. Don't let the jiggle fool ya.. hahaa In other words.. Boo Boo.. Get on my LEVEL .. With all my flaws.. I'm still a BAD chic..  But this is not a tata contest.. It's not even about him.. cause I didn't want HIM .. it was the other way around.. If you have a problem.. take it to your man.. NOT the chic.. cause bringing it here.. might get a lil more than your feelings hurt.. I ain't exactly.. right in the head.. ( I have come to terms with it though..) The problem was.. you weren't a woman about it.. If you had just COME to me with what you were thinking.. I would have pointed out the ones that were in competition with you.. I got MINE..

But anyway... Before all of this.. she sent me her number because she wanted to pray for my dad.He was in ICU at the time and we didn't think he would make it.. So she is texting me.. " Sis I Love you and I put you on my prayer list at church.. batguano " *sigh*.....

Now why on EARTH do people say ish like that.. You put me and my father on the prayer list ( if you even really did it) to be prayed for.. but you think I'm trying to go behind your back to take a man that belongs to someone else.. *_~.. This is the ( are you smoking ALL the crack?) Look...
My mama always tells me to be careful of who prays for you .. because you don't know what they are praying for or who they are praying TOO.. Plus.. some folks prayer bounce like checks... so they don't make it to his ears anyway..

Back to the blog.. I could have done without knowing her because even though I learned that me and most women from this certain area really don't get along.. it was redundant.. because I already KNEW I didn't like chics from there.. I did learn the levels in which a person will go to just to HAVE A MAN in their life and to get poked in the car in their driveway.. CLASSY! *_~.. 

Don't get me wrong.. I am in NO WAY an angel.. I have done some things just the other day that I was thinking... *NOW YOU KNOW.. you ain't got NO business doing this"  but still did it anyway..  So don't think that shop at Goody2Shoes..  But I have other stuff to do than to hover over at some chic's FB page because I think she may be the love interest of someone I want * because how could he NOT want JUST me*.. Hell if he was really after me.. I would have ( if I wanted HIM) still been 2nd.. because he had a woman.. Dumb Ass.. WHo strives to be 3rd place..? Her war was with the wrong person.. because she was in no way in danger of me trying to get him.. NO MAAM.. But just because she tried to play me stupid.. when she just could have ASKED.. and she tried to use my dad's illness as a way to work her way into my private life.. was enough for me to want to put her freggin head through a meat grinder..

ijs..

Yea.. I could have done without knowing that chic.. for REAL!

Day 9: Drifting on a memory...

Day 09 — Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.



                                                                                                         
Aren't they Beautiful.. I know..


There isn't one ... there are two.. my oldest friends in the world.. Twin sisters Peaches and Pay Pay.. We were the 3 amigos.. well 5 if you count Michelle & Amanda.. our white chocolate sisters.. Murray Road was the Business...
 
My first memories in life are with these chics.. Birthday parties, sleepovers.. fights in the grass between their grandfathers house and the next..  Tissue paper cigarettes.. haha we had soo much fun..
 
That's when life was simple.. We found each other again on Myspace after years and years of moving.. and I guess LIFE.. Peaches and I were talking and I she told me she was coming home 2 Christmases ago ( is that how you say that..*kayne shrug*) ..
 
I went to the house with their family and they hadn't changed a bit.. Still loud and laughing.. and so friendly and inviting.. They let me share in their family games.. which was cool as hell.. Everyone gets a gift right.. and so they put them all on the table and pull names.. The gifts don't have names on them and you don't know what's in them..  you pull a number and you get to choose the one you want.. the fun part is.. that the person after you.. could take that gift if they want it..after you have opened..
 
It was a great time.. Peaches doesn't live here anymore and I really miss her.. and Pay.. she does live here but I don't know.. with everything that has been going on.. we just drifted.. I really miss the simple life of us riding up and down the street with BT and Gerald.. Red.. Pony.. Gerald.. Lisa.. We were some bad lil kids but in the best way.. We stuck together.. always had each other's back.. 
 
We may not speak to each other everyday.. but I think of them all the time.. Even though.. we haven't seen each other since that Christmas.. I would still drop everything if either of them needed me..
 
Peaches, Pay Pay and De-Dee... the orginial... CREW..
 
Love ya ladies...
 
 

Day 8: I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW....

... someone who has treated me like shit huh? made my life a living hell...

Today I want to say my children's father.. I have tried everything I know how to be nice to this person so that he can see and share in his children's lives.. He has done nothing to deserve the title father.. no child support... forgetting birthdays... putting himself, his girlfriends and their children above his own..  for 16 years...

but.. I can't blame him.. 

I have to blame ME for that.. I was trying to do the right thing by allowing him to see his children knowing he meant them no good. I subjected my children to his wickness instead of being the BITCH I should have been and just asked for him to sign over his rights long ago. He has never been a father and I guess somewhere deep down I knew he never would.. but I had HOPE..

How could you look at these beautiful children and NOT want to love them? want to protect them? do right by them? They were innocent.. didn't ask to be here.. but they were concieved out of love.. or at least one side.. I made the mistake of giving him the common respect I would give any human.. But obviously.. treating people how you would want to be treated isn't the way to go.. at all..

How could I be so stupid to believe that there is some good in all people? I know how he was raised and I know his people.. and I see the good in THEM and I guess he was GOOD by association. Noone that came from a father like that.. could be so cruel... right? WRONG.. Take one child and turn them against their mother who has taken care of them all their life.. and because you can't intimidate the other.. the one you never claimed to begin with.. you simply ignore her.. 

Now, there is tons and tons of sleepless nights and stress and unnecessary bullshit to deal with because I didn't take his knees out when I had the chance.. I should have been one of those mothers that just says F**k you.. I don't care if you want to see them or not.. Go to hell.. But I didn't.. I tried to do what was right..

So.. I guess the person that treated me like shit.... was ME..

Imagine that..

* I feel the Bitch Brewing...*

God please don't allow me to go back to the person I use to be.. because someone is gonna get hurt.. really really bad..

Day 7: he makes me better...

Day 7.. Someone who has made my life worth living..



Now I know you are all expecting me to say my fiance'... and you would be right.. but he isn't the only man in my life.. I have the greatest best friend in the world.. His name is Carlos.. I can't remember a time in my life (besides the death of my sister) that he wasn't right there.. And that was only because I haven't met him yet.

We have known each other since May of 1993... We were introduced by.. *well she isn't important*.. but we have been friends ever since. He has been he through, boyfriends, break ups, babies, marriages, divorce, my hardest times, deaths, lifes, sickness, surgeries.. and JUST because...

Believe it or not.. I was a SERIOUSSSSS F**k up back in the day. No ambition at all.. NOT NONE. I didn't want to do anything but do NOTHING. I believed everything that I was told back in the day (that I would never be anything) and I made it happen. I should have been in and out of school long ago. I honestly never believed I could suceed.. I have a few things working against me but he never gave up on me. He would let me do my woo is me routine.. and my life is sucks thing... and then he would ask me.. ARE YOU FINISHED?  You have to know my bestest... He is straight to the point.. no nonsense kinda guy..  He loves me.. and he loves me enough to tell me the truth.. He tells me when I'm doing good.. and he lets me know when I completely _____ up. 

For instance with school.. he would always ask me.. "so.. when you going back to school?" I would give him some lame excuse and he would say.. Okay.. I know you can do it.. and you will when you are ready.. After years of hearing this same story... we were talking on the phone.. and I told him I was ready for my life to change.. He hit me again.. Go to school.. you have to start somewhere.. .. then he said.. I will even pay for you to go back... *pump the brakes*... Someone believed in me enough to want to PAY for me to get my education.. * I didn't know what to do with that*... who does THAT?  But it was just the thing I needed to get myself together. I didn't go back to school right then.. because I was almost there but not 100% and if he believed in me THAT much..there was no way in the dayum world I was about to take his money and mess it up..  So a few months later..I got up the nerve..and I went back to school.. I told him that I would get him that degree.. and that's exactly what I did. 

Because he believed in me..I walked across the stage with a criminal justice degree. I loved my family for being there.. but the one person I looked for was my best Friend... I wanted him to know that it was because of HIM that I had that piece of paper.. I will never forget what he said to me one day I was really going through it.. about to give up because it didn't seem as if anyone else cared.. everyone was out for self.. and he said... Dee, you can't change people.. but you CAN change your surroundings.. and he was absolutely right.. I got out.. and started doing things with school and hanging with different people and my attitude changed because my surroundings changed.

I can honestly say that there are 3 men in this world that I would jump in front of a bullet for, my father made 4.. but now.. there is my son, my man, and my bFF.. he has saved my life on MANY occasions.. when noone else was there.. I knew HE was.. and that's why he makes my life worth living..


we even have matching injuries to our fingers.. just like peas and carrots hahahaa