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" pay attention to the signs"
At church today.. I saw one of my extra children go up to be baptized..It shook me a lil bit because she had just been baptized a few months ago with my baby girl.. So when she walked past me crying ... I instantly went into MAMA mode.. I sometimes over step my boundaries and I know that.. but when I see a baby in need.. I can't help it.. So, after talking with her parents who are friends of ours I found out that my baby was living MY life as a child..Her mother is not in her life, she isn't a good role model.. she lies to her constantly.. yet the baby still puts all her faith in her.. Real familiar to me.. I wanted nothing more than to have the love and approval of my mother.. but she chose to focus her attention on the life she didn't have due to having children..
No, I'm not gonna put all my family business out there.. but there are a lot of things that I had to let go of to live my life MY WAY! I let go of the hurt, let go of the pain.. but for some reason.. People insisted that I was holding on to it because I didn't want to be bothered with her. My brother and sister to this DAY.. still try to FORCE me to allow my mother to be a part of my life and the lives of my children.. I never understood it.. because they know what type of person she is... but they still want to be around her.. for whatever reason..She hasn't changed, however, they want to SEE what they want to see.. and that's their battle not mine..
So back to my extra baby.. when I found out that she was hurting so much.. I went to her while she was waiting to talk to the upper levels in the church.. and I put my arms around her and told her..I GET IT!.. I understand.. And she just broke into tears.. Sometimes.. people don't know what it means for someone else to have been down the road you are traveling.. I told her..my phone rings everyday.. all day long.. My door is always open. And as she cried.. I felt my heart breaking.. I stand up and her father is standing right over me ... like I was doing something wrong.
Parents just don't understand sometimes.. Even as a child I got the SUCK IT UP talk from a lot of my family.. or the baby HAVE FAITH THAT SHE WILL CHANGE talk... and it all went in one ear and out the other because it was someone talking to me who didn't FEEL what I felt.. didn't HURT like I hurt.. they didn't cry the same tears I cried.. We as parents sometimes don't want our children to BE children but want them to stay in a Child's Place.. Do as I say.. no matter HOW it makes you feel.. That doesn't fix the problem.. They haven't learned the life skills to SUCK IT UP and just do it.. Hell that's not healthy for ADULTS so why are we teaching our children to do it.. Don't know any better, I guess.. And I don't claim to have the answers to every problem.. But THIS SHIT HERE... I know all too well..
When there is a dead beat parent and a custodial parent.. the lines of communication get really Blurry. The dead beat parents don't seem to see the problems or the pain that they are causing the children involved.. while the custodial parents seem to think that since they are providing a home for them.. that they should just GET OVER it. That would be wonderful in Fantasy Land.. but we live in the times where drugs, babies, and suicide are at an all time HIGH for teenagers. Tears can be a cry for HELP ...not a ploy to get attention. There are only SO many times you can sweep things under the rug before you have a pile of SHIT in the middle of the room...
Back to the situation... Now, again.. my children and EXTRA children are not angels..They don't get into major trouble.. like drugs, stealing cars..and foolishness like that.. but they don't clean their rooms.. talk back .. you know.. Teenage stuff... But when THEY hurt.. they HURT.. and someone needs to pay attention. The problem is.. the ones that are paying attention have to deal with others telling them to get out of their family business... "oh she just looking for sympathy"... " I deal with her everyday I know what the hell is going on with my child".. kinda talk...
* oh boy.... that's opening the DOOR*
I am not a counselor.. I don't even play one of Facebook.. However, I know signs of depression and this child has them.. you can't TOUCH her without Tears.. REAL ones.. you know the kind where they can't talk for doing that sniffling thing.. I want to help her but the parents are giving me that .. stay the hell out my business look...
What do I do? Just let that baby SUFFER.. when I've been through that mess... and know how much it hurts to NOT have a mother..
OR...
Do I tell these parents.. You can hate me if you want.. end our friendship.. whatever.. But that baby NEEDS HELP and I'm gonna be there regardless?
What would YOU do....
What ever happened to it takes a VILLAGE?.... geez..
I'm telling ya'll now.. If you see something in my kids that I don't see.. please come talk to me.. because at the end of the day... they are all that matters...
