Day 3: Forgiveness... this is a hard one..

So, Day 3.. this is a hard one.. there are so many things I need to forgive myself for.. but I think the one I need to forgive myself for the most is falling for a married man.. Yea. Yea.. stop looking at the screen like that's some new virus. Yes I did. Instead of talking to my boyfriend like an adult.. I chose to turn to someone close to us & he chose to turn to me..His wife was treating him bad.. my man was treating me bad and we turned to each other for comfort. At the time, I think that I was just looking for someone to CARE. I knew he did.. because he was very upfront about his feelings toward me to everyone.. but they blew it off as jokes. He made it easy to fall for him because he was ALWAYS there. I mean ALWAYS.. anything I needed.. he was right there to hand it too me. The phone calls, the roses, the visits, the lunches... the thrill of "We are getting you back for not paying attention to us"...  We snuck around for weeks before anyone even realized that there was something going on.

I will be totally honest.. I didn't feel guilty about it when we FIRST started.. because I had been with her when she went to kick it with another guy. She asked me to go to the MALL and we end up just a few apartments over at her boo's house. She put me in her mess without me knowing anything...Not cool.. This was before anything ever went down with us.. Then while I was sick, my man would avoid my calls but answer this other chic.. I felt betrayed .. So we figured.. "look they aren't taking care of us so we will take care of each other"... But that was no reason for me to do what I did. If we had been under different curcumstances (meaning single).. we would have been the perfect couple.. but it didn't work because we opened a door before closing the first one.

Even though we ended up leaving each other alone & he and she went on to break up ( so I heard).. and she was out doing her dirt to him.. I still feel like I owe her an apology. I don't think I will ever be able to completely forgive myself until I do that.. So, today.. I took a chance and searched for her on facebook. Low and behold I found her.. I don't know how to start this letter to her and I'm almost sure that I will be called everything but a child of God...( and deserve it) but I have to accept what it is.. because I did it. It was years ago.. but it still bothers me.. and before I enter into a marriage.. I need to get this out of my heart and my system. 

I know some of you reading this are just waiting to get to a phone to say .. Girl.. let me tell you what she just said.. and that's cool.. but I was honest.. and what ever it is.. I can apologize like a WOMAN... So Im good with it..  I forgive ME for my past. Everyone has one and I am no different.