My sister Kasey was murdered on the 15th, pronounced on the 16th, my aunt's bday was the 18th, we buried her on the 20th ( which happened to be Father's Day) and my 13th birthday was the 22nd...
Now my father has died and the events went as followed
My daughter Kasey was baptized on the 21st, my father died on the 21st, funeral is the 27th, Burying him on the 29th ( military funeral out of town) and my daughter Kasey's 14th birthday is the 2nd... History is a Muthafucka..
The one of the things that has kept me sane is talking to my Uncle., he's actually my cousin but he is sooo much older than me he is more like and uncle..He told me the story of my dad being hurt. He stepped on a land-mine in Vietnam. That's all I ever knew.. what I didn't know was that he was looking for other injured men (according to my uncle). He said that when he stepped on it.. all he could remember was flying through the air. I couldn't imagine. My father never really talked to me about his time in war.. but the only thing my Uncle could say about my father in Nam was that he was COLD BLOODED..one of the best.. I take pride in that.. and I wish it didn't have to take my father dying for me to learn about all of this.He didn't really talk about that much more because he was old school military men just don't talk about it. My son needs to talk to my Uncle more often so that he can also know the stories and keep them going because he is the very last REEVES (male ) in my family..
I feel so out of place.. and everyone is trying to tell me where I should be, or what will happen in the next few days.. and honestly... it's getting on my fuggin nerves. Alot of things are as a matter of fact.. Fake as people... OWWWW.. there is this one bitch that keeps hanging around that just really sends my rocket to the dayum moon with that foolishness. So, my father talked her off a ledge after her son was murdered 19 years ago..
dayum why did OUR SONG just come on on this dayum movie.. I swear I will never be able to listen to Lou Rawls again..
Anyway.. she is under the assumption that I GIVE A FUCK ( or that anyone does for that matter) about what she has to say.. I DON'T.. neither did my father.. You got on his nerves more than anything.. When my father needed her the most the bitch high tailed it because one of my family members told her she wouldn't be able to handle it so she dipped on him the ONE fuggin time he actually NEEDED her wacko ass.. I'm telling you.. This funeral is NOT going to go the way it should if she comes in here like Wanda from GOOD times ..falling all over his casket and shit like that.. I'm gonna push her ass on over in there... and close the dayum door.. No I take that back.. I'll just drop kick her in the back of the dayum head.. I would never leave my father with her ass for eternity.. NEVER...
If you know me or anyone in my family at all.. we aren't good company when we lose someone we truly love..and I say that we aren't because the people we can't STAND are the ones all up in our face.. Getsomewhere... If you know us at all.. you would give your condolences and keep it moving it we don't do you on a normal day.. please don't be all up in our face like we NEED you to survive this day.. NOT TRUE BOO!.. I want to be around people who will make me laugh.. and I thank GOD that's been the case.. otherwise.. Huntsville would be shut DOOOOWN!..
My father was my everything and I know he doesn't want me sitting around crying.. and truth be told... if I had a choice to bring him back.. I wouldn't.. because he suffered for so very long.. and I would NEVER want him to go thru that again.. So I have to suck this shit up..I haven't really cried much and for a while I thought that there may be something wrong with me.. but I know it's just that hard candy coating on the outside.. Sweet but hard.. and a gooey mess on the inside.. I feel like I'm gonna throw up at any given moment.. my head hurts like hell and I can't see out of my left eye.. PLUS I have lost like 10 freggin pounds.. so NOT HEALTHY..
The one person I want to be near.. to be around.. to be held by.. and other words is really messing with my head because it's not who it should be.. That could be a very bad thing.. But even with those weird thoughts running thru my head I still give it that ol Kayne shrug.. cause right now.. Nothing matters.. AT ALL!..I just want what I want ..a nd I want to grieve how I want.. and I don't really give a shit who likes it or not.. I have just lost my heartbeat.. and I don't know where to go to get it back because he is gone... I feel like a freggin prisoner in my own home.. I can't BREATHE!
Fyi: just because I am having these.. umm Cravings we will call them does NOT mean ASK if its you.. If you have to ask.. Guess what.. and please don't fool yourself into believing that being in your presence for 10 mins will make the pain of losing my father just disappear.. *shaking my dayum head at these inbox messages...
