Day 9: Drifting on a memory...

Day 09 — Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.



                                                                                                         
Aren't they Beautiful.. I know..


There isn't one ... there are two.. my oldest friends in the world.. Twin sisters Peaches and Pay Pay.. We were the 3 amigos.. well 5 if you count Michelle & Amanda.. our white chocolate sisters.. Murray Road was the Business...
 
My first memories in life are with these chics.. Birthday parties, sleepovers.. fights in the grass between their grandfathers house and the next..  Tissue paper cigarettes.. haha we had soo much fun..
 
That's when life was simple.. We found each other again on Myspace after years and years of moving.. and I guess LIFE.. Peaches and I were talking and I she told me she was coming home 2 Christmases ago ( is that how you say that..*kayne shrug*) ..
 
I went to the house with their family and they hadn't changed a bit.. Still loud and laughing.. and so friendly and inviting.. They let me share in their family games.. which was cool as hell.. Everyone gets a gift right.. and so they put them all on the table and pull names.. The gifts don't have names on them and you don't know what's in them..  you pull a number and you get to choose the one you want.. the fun part is.. that the person after you.. could take that gift if they want it..after you have opened..
 
It was a great time.. Peaches doesn't live here anymore and I really miss her.. and Pay.. she does live here but I don't know.. with everything that has been going on.. we just drifted.. I really miss the simple life of us riding up and down the street with BT and Gerald.. Red.. Pony.. Gerald.. Lisa.. We were some bad lil kids but in the best way.. We stuck together.. always had each other's back.. 
 
We may not speak to each other everyday.. but I think of them all the time.. Even though.. we haven't seen each other since that Christmas.. I would still drop everything if either of them needed me..
 
Peaches, Pay Pay and De-Dee... the orginial... CREW..
 
Love ya ladies...
 
 

Day 8: I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW....

... someone who has treated me like shit huh? made my life a living hell...

Today I want to say my children's father.. I have tried everything I know how to be nice to this person so that he can see and share in his children's lives.. He has done nothing to deserve the title father.. no child support... forgetting birthdays... putting himself, his girlfriends and their children above his own..  for 16 years...

but.. I can't blame him.. 

I have to blame ME for that.. I was trying to do the right thing by allowing him to see his children knowing he meant them no good. I subjected my children to his wickness instead of being the BITCH I should have been and just asked for him to sign over his rights long ago. He has never been a father and I guess somewhere deep down I knew he never would.. but I had HOPE..

How could you look at these beautiful children and NOT want to love them? want to protect them? do right by them? They were innocent.. didn't ask to be here.. but they were concieved out of love.. or at least one side.. I made the mistake of giving him the common respect I would give any human.. But obviously.. treating people how you would want to be treated isn't the way to go.. at all..

How could I be so stupid to believe that there is some good in all people? I know how he was raised and I know his people.. and I see the good in THEM and I guess he was GOOD by association. Noone that came from a father like that.. could be so cruel... right? WRONG.. Take one child and turn them against their mother who has taken care of them all their life.. and because you can't intimidate the other.. the one you never claimed to begin with.. you simply ignore her.. 

Now, there is tons and tons of sleepless nights and stress and unnecessary bullshit to deal with because I didn't take his knees out when I had the chance.. I should have been one of those mothers that just says F**k you.. I don't care if you want to see them or not.. Go to hell.. But I didn't.. I tried to do what was right..

So.. I guess the person that treated me like shit.... was ME..

Imagine that..

* I feel the Bitch Brewing...*

God please don't allow me to go back to the person I use to be.. because someone is gonna get hurt.. really really bad..