Day 8: I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW....

... someone who has treated me like shit huh? made my life a living hell...

Today I want to say my children's father.. I have tried everything I know how to be nice to this person so that he can see and share in his children's lives.. He has done nothing to deserve the title father.. no child support... forgetting birthdays... putting himself, his girlfriends and their children above his own..  for 16 years...

but.. I can't blame him.. 

I have to blame ME for that.. I was trying to do the right thing by allowing him to see his children knowing he meant them no good. I subjected my children to his wickness instead of being the BITCH I should have been and just asked for him to sign over his rights long ago. He has never been a father and I guess somewhere deep down I knew he never would.. but I had HOPE..

How could you look at these beautiful children and NOT want to love them? want to protect them? do right by them? They were innocent.. didn't ask to be here.. but they were concieved out of love.. or at least one side.. I made the mistake of giving him the common respect I would give any human.. But obviously.. treating people how you would want to be treated isn't the way to go.. at all..

How could I be so stupid to believe that there is some good in all people? I know how he was raised and I know his people.. and I see the good in THEM and I guess he was GOOD by association. Noone that came from a father like that.. could be so cruel... right? WRONG.. Take one child and turn them against their mother who has taken care of them all their life.. and because you can't intimidate the other.. the one you never claimed to begin with.. you simply ignore her.. 

Now, there is tons and tons of sleepless nights and stress and unnecessary bullshit to deal with because I didn't take his knees out when I had the chance.. I should have been one of those mothers that just says F**k you.. I don't care if you want to see them or not.. Go to hell.. But I didn't.. I tried to do what was right..

So.. I guess the person that treated me like shit.... was ME..

Imagine that..

* I feel the Bitch Brewing...*

God please don't allow me to go back to the person I use to be.. because someone is gonna get hurt.. really really bad..