Day 6: something I hope I never have to do..
That's simple visit my children or any child I love in PRISON or in the CEMETERY.
When we visit Birmingham, I always try to go to my sister's grave. It's a hard thing to do and it never seems to get any easier. I never got to go with my dad but I know he went. Watching him go through the things that he went through.. blaming himself for my sister's death..even though.. there was NOTHING he could have done to stop it... he basically died inside.. every birthday, holiday, day of her death or week rather..
I KNOW I'm not strong enough to deal with that. If I were to ever loose a child.. they will HAVE to bury me with them. Losing my sister was hard as hell.. Losing my daddy was HELL... what's worse than HELL?
But if there was anything that ran a close 2nd to death would be seeing one of them behind bars. Anyone who knows me knows that no matter what *I* need.. everything stops for my children. I am hard on them because I don't want them to have to live the life I have so far. I don't want them to have to wait until they are in their 30's to GET IT. Don't steal, don't kill.. follow the rules and you won't have to know what it feels like to be behind bars... As much as I love my children.. the rule in my family has always been.. You get ONE CHANCE.. I will come get you ONCE if you do something stupid (within reason.. meaning nothing like murder).. I will come get you out one time.. After that.. I forward your mail...
I have tried to teach my children right from wrong and I did my best.. that's all I could do.. You have clothes, food, shelter and love.. if that wasn't enough there is nothing more I can do. I have to believe that I did a half way decent job and although my children may not be angels.. they will think back on the lessons we have tried to teach them. I want them to think twice about doing the right thing.
If you do something stupid.. it's because you CHOSE to not because you didn't know better. When I do something that I know isn't right..*and I have* it is not because my father didn't teach me better.. it was because I made the adult decision to do it.. And that is the same thought process I will have with my children.
I have never been a prison girlfriend.. I sucked sooo bad at that. so I KNOW I will not be a good prison Mom. *kayneshrug*
6 comments:
...Diggin' your perspective, especially since I've been that child you speak of in prison, and have seen the emotional wreck of my mother as she buried my brother and visited him yearly
Very thoughtful share here...
Jah, you even READING this is such a blessing to me. You know how much I love my children and I don't do everything right.. but I know I gave them a good foundation.. We all make mistakes.. ALL of us.. but what we do AFTER that is what matters.. and YOU are living proof that one mistake doesn't have to be the end.. love you sugah...
you got me wanting to do this one....and I would say the same thing on this one.
Even visiting my good friend in Prison after his murder charge tore my heart up, because that now defined to many who he was. When they had no idea that was a man that made a horrible mistake. The man that did that was not the man that I knew inside and out... he is out and doing so good now.
See that's what I love to hear.. Sometimes it takes people hitting ROCK BOTTOM to get it together.. I went to jail once.. and that was enough for me... I was in a BAD BAD place then.. and I hope I never go back... Or ya'll will be visiting me..
I agree, all you can do is tell children the right way to go, whatever u-turns or directions they choose to take is up to them. I think you are an awesome mom. Your kids are blessed. And I know your dad and sis are right there with you. I can tell you were a daddy's girl and that you and he were loved dearly.
I don't know about the awesome part but I try my hardest Sis..I will always be a daddy's girl..I recently had to make some very adult choices where my children were concerned.. It was a HARD thing to do but it was for their own good... I hope one day they understand..
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